Learning more
If you're experiencing family violence, or you suspect something is wrong in a friend or loved-one's relationship, the following information may be useful.
› What is family violence?
› Comparing healthy and abusive relationships
› Family violence is a crime - your legal rights
› The impact of family violence
› The effect on children
› The effect on adults
› The effect on the community
› Seeking help
› Recognising abuse
› Helping children who witness family violence
› Supporting someone you know
What is family violence?
Family violence is harmful behaviour that occurs when someone threatens or controls a family member through fear. It can include physical harm, sexual assault, social, emotional and economic abuse or pet abuse.
It may also involve:
• Unreasonably controlling a person by withholding money for reasonable living expenses where a person is dependent on them for financial support
• Threatening to harm another family member or pet in order to intimidate
• Racist taunts that inflict emotional harm
• Preventing contact with other family members or friends in order to torment the person.
Go to www.familyviolence.vic.gov.au to find out more about the definition of family violence.
^ TOPComparing healthy and abusive relationships
Positive, non-violent relationships are based on equality and are fulfilling for those involved. Sadly, not everyone has experienced this kind of relationship.
Positive and negative relationships differ in a variety of ways:
Non-violent relationships are based on equality
• Negotiation & fairness
• Non-threatening behaviour
• Respect
• Trust & Support
• Honesty & Accountability
• Responsible Parenting
• Shared Responsibility
• Economic Partnership
Violent relationships are based on power and control
• Intimidation
• Emotional abuse
• Isolation
• Minimising, denying and blaming
• Using children
• Economic abuse
• Male privilege
• Coercion and threats
Abusive relationships are harmful and have a significant impact on children as well as those directly involved.
The Deluth model website uses wheels that explain the differences between healthy and abusive relationships. Click here for more about power and control-based relationships. Click here for more about equality-based relationships.
^ TOPFamily Violence is a crime - your legal rights
It is a crime to behave towards a family member in a way that is physically, sexually, emotionally, psychologically, economically abusive. This also includes behaviour that is threatening, coersive, controlling or dominating, causing that family member to feel fear for their safety or wellbeing. It is also a crime to expose a child to hear or witness the effects of the behaviour mentioned above. Click here to visit the Magistrates' Court of Victoria website for more information.
You can report the violence to the police. The police will provide safety and support; investigate any criminal offences and present offenders before the court.
You can apply for a court order which can help protect you from further violence or abuse. The order can prohibit the abusive person from harassing, threatening or abusing you, or from coming near your home, your work, or other places where you need to go. It is a criminal offence if they disobey the order.
You can call the police for advice at any time. For urgent attendance, dial 000.
Go to www.legalaid.vic.gov.au for more information about intervention orders and your legal rights.
^ TOPThe impact of family violence
Family violence has a devastating impact, not only on those involved, but also the broader community, and can reverberate for generations.
Family violence:
• Is the leading contributor to death, disability and illness in Victorian women aged 15 to 44
• Is responsible for more disease burden than high blood pressure, smoking and obesity
• Affects one in five Victorian women, with Indigenous women significantly more likely to be victims of violence than the general population
• Is a factor in 52 percent of substantiated child protection cases
• Affects all communities, with the cycle of violence often continuing from one generation to the next
• Particularly affects pregnant women, with 36 per cent of women experiencing family violence while pregnant and 17 per cent of those women being pregnant when the violence started
• Costs the Victorian economy around $2 billion annually
Detailed research is available documenting how family violence affects us all. Go to www.familyviolence.vic.gov.au to find out more.
^ TOPThe effect on children
Many children in Australia live in a family where a parent is being abused. Although most escape without physical injury, emotional effects such as fear, anger, depression, despair and distrust can last a lifetime, and these are far from the only effects.
Witnessing family violence is linked with many other issues, including physical reactions like stomach cramps, headaches, sleeping and eating difficulties and frequent illness.
It can slow developmental capacity, hamper school performance, lead to low self-esteem and difficulty relating to peers, and cause behavioural problems and substance abuse.
Ultimately, children may learn that violence is a legitimate means for obtaining control of a situation or for resolving conflict, causing wider systemic problems for generations to come.
If you're concerned about a child, discuss the situation with an experienced family violence worker. Click here for a list of services that can help.
Seeking help
There's a network of services available if you, or someone you know, is experiencing family violence.
Services that can help are exactly that; they understand family violence situations, and won't force you to do anything you don't want to.
The best place to start is to discuss the situation with an experienced family violence worker. Click here for a list of services that can help.
Recognising abuse
You might be unsure if what your friend or relative is experiencing is 'abuse'. Maybe you just have some sense that something is wrong in the relationship.
Sometimes there may be clear signs that indicate abuse, but often there will be nothing obvious. These are some things to look for if you're concerned about someone.
• She seems afraid of her partner or is always very anxious to please
• She has stopped seeing her friends or family, or cuts phone conversations short when her partner is in the room
• Her partner often criticises her or humiliates her in front of other people
• She says her partner pressures or forces her to do sexual things
• Her partner often orders her about or makes all the decisions (for example, her partner controls all the money, tells her who she can see and what she can do)
• She often talks about her partner's 'jealousy', 'bad temper' or 'possessiveness'
• She has become anxious or depressed, has lost her confidence, or is unusually quiet
• She has physical injuries (bruises, broken bones, sprains, cuts etc). She may give unlikely explanations for physical injuries
• Her children seem afraid of her partner, have behavioural problems, or are very withdrawn or anxious
• She is reluctant to leave her children with her partner
• After she has left the relationship, her partner is constantly calling her, harassing her, following her, coming to her house or waiting outside
If you're concerned, discuss the situation with an experienced family violence worker. Click here for a list of services that can help.
The information above has been sourced from DVIRC. Their website is a comprehensive resource for family violence information. Go to www.dvirc.org.au to find out more.
Helping children who witness family violence
Children aren't equipped with the skills to make sense of family violence. That's why support for children in this situation is so crucial. Here's some important things to remember:
• It's important to accept that an abusive family environment harms children
• Place the responsibility for the violence with the offending parent
• Support the abused parent, which can improve the capacity to protect children
• Tell the child that the violence is not their fault
• Give children an opportunity to talk about the violence
• Help make a safety plan which they can follow
• Let them know that others have had similar experiences
• Support and assist the mother to protect both herself and her children
• Most importantly, children who witness family violence need to know they are not forgotten
For other ways to support children, discuss the situation with an experienced family violence worker. Click here for a list of services that can help.
The information above has been sourced from DVIRC. Their website is a comprehensive resource for family violence information. Go to www.dvirc.org.au to find out more.
^ TOPSupporting someone you know
Your support can make a difference to someone experiencing family violence. If you approach her sensitively without being critical, it is unlikely you will make things 'worse' by expressing concern.
Tell her you're worried about her, then explain why. For example 'I'm worried about you because I've noticed you seem really unhappy lately'.
Remember that family violence can be a difficult issue for someone who is directly affected by it. Don't be surprised if the person seems defensive or rejects your support. Feelings of fear, shame and distrust are very common, and it can take time to admit to being abused.
It's important not to push someone into talking if they are uncomfortable. Let them know that you're there if they need to talk. Be patient, and keep an ear out for anything that indicates they are ready to talk.
If you're unsure what to do, discuss the situation with an experienced family violence worker. Click here for a list of services that can help.
The information above has been sourced from DVIRC. Their website is a comprehensive resource for family violence information. Go to www.dvirc.org.au to find out more.