Stories of hope
Many survivors of family violence have successfully re‑built their lives, and continue to prosper today.
While their journey for may not always have been easy, their inspiring stories show how it's possible to start again.
› Rose's story
› Angela's story
› Sani's story
› Kylie's story
Rose's Story
I am currently 29 years old, my son is 10 years old and my daughter is 8 years old. Our life before we received assistance from Emerge was consumed by domestic violence, fear, shame, and negativity.
The domestic violence we endured left us homeless and scared. We had nothing and nowhere to turn. We were referred to Emerge by a community care service, and were placed in their emergency accommodation.
We moved into emergency accommodation in November 2008, and the time we spent there changed our lives for the better. Our social worker helped us in so many positive ways. My children were uncontrollable, and with the social worker's help, they are now little angels that love going to school, and love life in general. We now do recreational activities together and for the the first time we have friends, and we get along and work together. She helped us find new direction in life and showed us that with confidence and courage we can achieve anything.
Emerge have now placed us in transitional housing, and we're looking forward to moving into permanent accommodation, which will happen soon. I am currently studying at TAFE and will be attending university soon too.
Thanks to Emerge we now have a new beginning in life full of happiness, security and direction, and we enjoy every minute of every day. The staff at Emerge have showed me the person I can be. Their faith and belief has helped us to achieve what we have so far.
Angela's Story
I met Harry at a time in my life when I was quite vulnerable. He was very charming and softly spoken and I thought he was the most considerate, caring and sensitive man. There wasn’t anything I didn’t like about him.
However, not long into the relationship things began to change and he became highly controlling and was often abusive and threatening. He always had excuses for his behaviour and would say things like “if only we moved away from here to WA, things would be better” and “If only I had the money to buy a Harley I would be happy.” Within 6 months Harry had bought a Harley and we shifted to WA but neither of these things changed his level of happiness or improved his behaviour.
In actual fact, once we had shifted to WA things got worse. I was subjected to physical violence, which was quite terrifying. I had no family or friends I could go to - I was totally isolated.
By this time I was experiencing a myriad of emotions. I was ashamed for trusting him and for telling people how great he was.
I lasted in WA for only 6 months, when a good friend flew over. We drove back together, but not before the police were called so we could safely leave.
On our way back to Victoria, Harry called me, saying he'd been to a GP to be referred for help. He said he’d told the doctor “I abuse drugs and I abuse my girlfriend.” I believed this, and about 6 months later he returned to Victoria and we reconciled.
Over the next three years I left him on numerous occasions. I experienced physical, sexual, verbal, social and financial abuse during that period. By this time I was extremely anxious and depressed, and envisaged death as the only way out. I had lost an extreme amount of weight and my baby was failing to thrive. I wasn’t suicidal though; I had a baby to care for but didn’t know how to get out of the situation without involving my family and putting them at risk.
In early January I left Harry, took our baby and went interstate. I had counselling and was put in touch with a domestic violence support service. I learnt that there were services available to assist women and children in my situation, but being interstate left me feeling totally isolated from my family, so I returned to Victoria, and although I had no intention of reconciling with Harry, I still felt compelled to stay with him, as he kept threatening suicide if I left.
I stayed with him for a month, even though I knew there were services that could assist. Then the the last straw happened. He threatened “to punch my head in” and I decided to leave. I'd put the baby in the car and was about to get in when he almost yanked the car door off, screaming “I'm mad enough to kill my own blood!” I truly believed he would kill our child just to get back at me.
I went to Emerge the day before Good Friday. I can still remember being shown to my room seeing a cot set up with a little woollen dog in it for my daughter. I felt safe and this was very reassuring.
During the time we were at Emerge, with the assistance and support of staff I obtained an Intervention Order, made a police statement, had counselling, spent a week at the Queen Elizabeth Centre to assist with establishing better eating and sleeping patterns for my daughter and did a personal development course. My worker applied for a THM and an Office of Housing property for us. She also helped me see the reality of my situation and face the fact that my partner was not going to change and that I should concentrate on changing things in my life rather than his.
The 3 years that followed I put a lot of energy into trying to keep my daughter safe and trying to stop Harry from having unsupervised contact and from getting overnight access. I went back to school to continue my study, first doing Justice subjects and then subjects that included women’s studies, gender and crime and men and masculinities, trying to make sense of society and the constraints put on women. Eventually in 2006 my daughter began to go to Harry’s overnight, but by this stage she was 5 years old.
Also in 2006 my daughter started school and I was successfully in applying for part-time work, I have been working in the Community Services Sector for the past 3 years. I'll be forever grateful to Emerge and every so often I make contact with the service as they were instrumental in me being able to move on from that relationship and create a safe, stable life for myself and my child.
Sani's Story
I'm a domestic violence survivor. I got married when I was 18 and then came to Australia. I didn’t speak English well, so I didn't have social connections or friends. My ex husband was so violent and he starts to abuse me physically, emotionally and he raped me, threatening to send me back home. There's a shame associated with being a divorced woman, and it's assumed that it's the woman's fault. I wouldn't be able to find work, or get married again.
My ex husband started to become continually violent, and I was worried for my life. I couldn't live with him in constant fear. Finally I was raped and told I was only wanted for sex. I was very sad and had no hope at that moment, as he threatened to send me back to my country.
I'd had enough, I left the house and went to the police station, where they gave me a phone number that I could ring for support. It was late in the evening at the police station, and I started to worry about where to sleep, since my husband would kill me if I went home. I was crying when I called one of the support services, and asked for somewhere to sleep. The following day we called the Women's Domestic Violence Crisis Service.
That's how I came to Emerge. We talked through an interpreter about everything: what was concerning me, what was happening, and what my options were. They gave me accommodation, food, a little money, and support. I was so glad for everything. They understood my problem and they gave me support.
I also told them that I didn't have a permanent visa. They advocated for my right to permanent residency, and assisted with an intervention order. It gave me peace of mind that he couldn’t reach me.
I would like to thank my social worker; I was really lucky to have her. She gave me hope when I felt I didn't have a future, empowered me to change and led me to study and to have a good career.
I'm really glad that Australia has community services like Emerge. I got a lot of support and empowerment from them, which is how my life has improved.
Kylie's Story
I met my partner in 2000, I was 21 years old and it was my first ‘proper’ relationship. It was very intense from the beginning and things moved very fast. Within a couple of months we were living together. However, because he was Muslim he felt it was wrong for us to be together without being married.
So I started to read about Islam. I liked what I read and I suppose I wanted to be accepted by his family and community so I decided to convert. The day I converted, about 5 months into the relationship, we also had a ceremony known as ‘NIKAH’ which is an Islamic marriage.
The first year of our marriage wasn’t easy. I was trying to adjust to being a Muslim and all the learning that was involved with that trying to learn and adjust to his culture as well as trying to blend into the family. After a while I felt all the adjustment seemed to be on my part and I was the only one making the changes to please him. However love makes you blind and I honestly felt I was doing the right thing.
Soon I felt like I was alienated from my friends. They had such a different lifestyle to me so I simply stopped communicating with them. Trying to find a sense of belonging was difficult. I didn’t fit in with his culture, I no longer felt I fit in with the Aussie culture and I felt I didn’t know enough to fit in with the Islamic culture. I soon found myself practically house bound, with the only real contact being my partner and my family. My partner however, had a good social life and came and went as he pleased.
I was excited when I became pregnant. I felt like I would have a proper family of my own. It was when I fell pregnant though that the hitting started. I remember my partner and I got into an argument and he started slapping me because I raised my voice to him.
From then on it just worse, I’ve been slapped, punched, kicked, whipped with a belt, and spat on too many times for me to count. When I had my second child there was an occasion when he was hitting me while I held my baby in my arms. My eldest child has witnessed me being hit on numerous occasions. The worst was the time when I was crouched in the corner whilst my partner whipped me, while my daughter stood in the doorway screaming. That beating was over spilt water.
If the hitting wasn’t enough, the daily putdowns and insults are things I am still trying to overcome. I was told everyday I was fat, ugly stupid, no one else would love me etc. I never did anything right it seemed and I never knew what mood he would be in. It was like constantly tip toeing around because the slightest thing would set him off.
Towards the end of the relationship I was being told what to eat, what to wear, who I could and couldn’t see, I wasn’t allowed to use the internet, listen to music or watch TV. My partner had started to swear at my children and belittling me to them. My partner told me I could no longer see my family. He also had complete financial control despite the fact I had a part time job I had to hand all my earnings over to him. I was never allowed to buy new clothes. The last straw was the day he told me I had to quit work and stop seeing my family. I knew then I would be completely and utterly isolated and at the control of his mercy. I saw the danger in that and knew I had to leave. I also thought about my children, particularly my daughter. My partner didn’t hit my kids but the swearing had started and I knew eventually my daughter would be completely ruled like I was. I didn’t want that for her. I wanted her to be strong, independent and in control of her own destiny. I also wanted both my daughter and son to know women should not be treated how I was. If I stayed they would have thought it was normal.
The day we left, I waited until he was at work. I grabbed my kids and left, virtually with the clothes on my back and $2 in my account. My son was not yet 2 and my daughter was 5. Despite having to start from scratch I've never looked back. I am finding myself again. I’ve started back at my job, I’m making friends, I’m independent, making my own decisions and I can come and go as I please. My kids are doing well they are happy and secure. They no longer live with watching their mum getting hit, sworn at or degraded. Our environment is now peaceful and loving.
Thanks to the women who helped as at Emerge, we have been able to slowly but surely rebuild our lives, and ourselves. For that I will always be grateful. For that, I will never ever go back.